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or is it just in my head
Published on December 15, 2005 By HappySteph In Sex & Romance

Is romance dead or do you think it was just reincarnated into something less superficial? Something else? You know, instead of roses… we now get our oil changed, if we are lucky! Instead of Candle-Lit Dinners… they save us a seat on the couch next to them, or even better maybe one night a year we might not have to sleep in the wet spot!

It isn’t really all such a bad thing to become so comfortable with your significant other, but why does it seem that the romantic side of most relationships are left to the woman to keep up? Granted…. Lots of men still find small ways to keep that spark alive (or so I’ve heard)… but what about the rest of them that just don’t got a clue!?

I mean, seriously, .these guys need some guidance into the world of woo-ing!!! It doesn’t have to be expensive to “Woo” us.. hell.. we all know that it’s the little things that really make it all worth it!

What about the whole ‘Chase’ element and why does it have to end once you marry and in some cases sleep with a man? I for one want to be chased once in awhile for the rest of my life! I know I’m not the only one out there that when in a relationship, have looked over to their partner and thought “I wish he would come over here, look me in my eyes, and give me the most deepest, most passionate ‘just because’ kiss. You know the one, the kiss that make your feet tingle, your toes curl and the hair on your arms stand straight… probably like the one that got you hooked on him in the first place!

We’ve all had those feelings before, but instead of that kiss, all we got was a glance and a burp or asked for the remote. I had one guy that every once in awhile would pick his nose and fling his boogers at me, he said that he didn't because he loved it when I would scream at him, jump up and freak out, thought I looked absolutely adorable when I was upset and laughing at the same time.

I’m not asking to be whisked off my feet, get a dozen roses a week, poetry all the time, or even a guy that wants to take me dancing all the time. I just want a little romance which could be a certain look he gives me… an extra kiss before leaving for work… a little note stuck to the bathroom mirror or a Hershey Kiss placed next to my keys in the morning!!!

Maybe next time around I’ll be lucky enough to find a man that has a little bit of a romance in him.

Comments
on Dec 15, 2005
yes, yes, I agree wtih this 100%.

There other day I told my friend I didn't need romance just a little courtesy such a quick phone call letting me know he was going to be late but really I miss romance.

I do think that most men once they think that once they have you think they don't have to make any effort at all.

Oh and the flinging boogers part - I would kick his ass. How gross is that?


on Dec 16, 2005
Romance is a word used by woman, not men. Woman like the process of romance. Men use the romance process as part of the bigger primal hunt for the toys woman have. It's blatant for some, subtle for others but still woo-ing or stalking and comes natural when we're single. Much harder when married or involved, then it takes two. Single, we're out of the cave hunting for more then food and water.

That all changes after the blush is off the rose. Women still want romance, but hide the stimulating toys in packages that are not worth unwrapping. In other words pj's, jeans and sweatshirts, birkenstocks and baggy unkept cloths. This is where women need to take on the roll of contemporary hunter, or sorts and create the mental stimulation man needs so his dormant primal hunting passions can resurface.

The problem I've encountered over almost 48yrs of bachelorhood is the majority of woman reject their responsibility for helping the process along. It seems to be to much trouble for far to many. Yet, it still takes two... Experience has shown me they quit all the charming acts taken before going on a date. Many gain weight, some forget to bathe and give up doing their nails or pedicures. Far to many take their relationship for granted while others think flannel is for cozy intimate evening...wrong. Those with children become forever moms and loose sight of what it is to be a woman and make excuses. And they wonder why romance is dead. Perpetual woo-ing, passionate kisses, tender touch's, surprise gifts, it all dies because to many women don't want to work any longer for romance.

ROTFLMAO Steph...you need to improve upon your choices, throwing boogers what can I say....
on Dec 16, 2005
Oh no no no, this may be true with some women, I'll give you that, but I will take a stand that I have never been that women! I don't even own a pair of flannel pajamas, nor would I probably go out and buy them! Sure I may dress casual, but I also know when it's time to get all dolled up. Hell, I still would put crazy and intimate things in my ex's lunch after 3 years, just for that surprise factor. I'm staying with my thought on this, Men that have fought the battle and conquered, refuse to play again just for a little fun and a few memories.

on Dec 16, 2005
And also lets not let the men off the hook on this account either. There are plenty of men who "let themself go" so to speak after marriage. They gain weight. Wear icky t shirts and stupid baseball caps. Grow gross facial hair. Believe me the view from here isn't always great either. It's a two way street.

Did I shave my legs for this?
on Dec 16, 2005
I can't believe I'm saying this but
"RIGHT ON"

we can't be the only women that have noticed this!
on Dec 16, 2005
Men that have fought the battle and conquered


Steph... Given you're not in the boat I referenced, I'll offer you the following thoughts:
Improve on your selection criteria and be positive. Make a detailed list of the qualities you seek in a man in order of priority. Determine which are absolutes and which have flexibility... Know them well, so when you're faced with them, you're able to see them. Most people loose sight due to loneliness and momentary passions.

Raise your expectations, don't compromise on certain issues and look in different areas. Build a good single life for yourself because it takes time for quality to surface. I learned the value of compromise many years ago and also how easily our priorities can fade after vivid romantic dinners. Patience my dear, patience.
on Dec 23, 2005
Titan

Alright I did it, I made a list of what I want!
on Dec 23, 2005
Every time my husband gets up with the kids to let me sleep in...that's romance.

Every time I rub his shoulders after work, same thing.

Every day he goes to work to support the 4 of us so I can stay home and raise our children, is romance.

I could go on and on. But its not flowers for us, or pretty words, or candle lit dinners. It's the shared smiles when the day has brought nothing but sweat and tears. It's the laughter we share over something only the two of us know. It's the promise of being together for the rest of our lives.

And of course it helps when I cook a great dinner and he picks up his socks on the floor!