True Love

Virtually Impossible?

Published on January 12, 2006 By HappySteph In Personal Relationships

True Love
Is true love, true unconditional love, as found in our parents and grandparents day, where they met and instantly knew that they were soul mates and have been together for decades, virtually impossible to find in this day and age?

Being the hopeless romantic that I am at times, I am going to have to say, NO. I believe despite numerous heartbreaks and torments that there is a Mr. Right4Me. The question is, when am I going to meet him? How am I going to meet him? Is he already here? At my Doorstep?

In this modernistic society, everything is about instant gratification, and I am no exception to this rule. Fast food, speed dial, even the internet practically gives you all kinds of information at the press of the button. Could it be that the problem is that we are sick and tired of waiting to meet Mr. Right and just want Mr. RightNow?

Maybe I can find my soul mate, maybe it’s not a myth. I truly believe this is true, and I need to learn not to let the trivial stuff get in the way. So what if he can’t turn on a computer, or understand what I do for a living! Some of the guys that I have end up cutting out of my life have been for totally unnecessary. I think we all need to stop sweating the small stuff, the superficial, the packaging, and focus on the important issues. I’m pretty sure the guy I’m dating is still going to be a Mr. RightNow, but who knows and I’m going to try and keep my eyes open and my heart.

I do believe in true love and happily ever after.
I'm willing to wait until I meet him and refuse to settle for anything less.
But I’m still going to have some fun now and along the way!

Comments

garsgolfer

on Jan 12, 2006

That’s a good question. I have always been of the mind if we don't have a core understanding of our own value system it’s not plausible we’ll be mindful of people of similar values even if they’re standing in front of us, let alone the subtleties of a soul mate.

Looking backwards, not knowing the number of dates and short term relationships I had from 18 to 48 years is mind baffling. What I do recall is more then one soul-mate. I use soul-mate because they brought me feelings of instant comfort, a deep connection and had me asking, "Is this the one" for me. Only later, to discover they had good qualities, but when marriage was brought into question, not the right one, and they as well asked for "unconditional" love.

In recalling my childhood, unconditional love wasn’t present. Therefore, early on I asked myself why I wasn’t in search of that form of love. It took some years to realize "unconditional love" didn't seem to be suitable when measuring a mate for enduring marriage. Moreover, mom and dads are the givers of unconditional love to children, not healthy man to woman relationships. This was confirmed to some extent when I looked to my long term friends, their relationships, and their parents, which I’ve known since eighth grade. They never seemed concerned with that need and it’s because their morals, values and associated limits were in line. To this day, that family is happy and only one divorce…impressive!

Unconditional imply limitless acceptance of all behaviors and acts. Sure, certain unattractive behaviors like snoring, blowing gas, cussing even poor self-control issues are accepted, but with other more pronounced negative behaviors like adultery, abuse and breaking the law limits are reached invalidating the possibility of "unconditional" love. That’s further confirmed by the vast increase in the last thirty years of divorces claiming “irreconcilable differences”.

The instant comfort I felt during those early encounters was likely based on an accumulation of events and the period in my life, being fast, demanding and filled with adventure. No doubt, deeper values needed to consider so a one-time only marriage could to be in the future. Proper assessment and the wait paid off.

PS...I like the Mr. RightNow label.

So Many Questions

on Jan 13, 2006

I've started wondering why it is that we often differentiate between love and unconditional love. Wouldn't you think that love implies unconditionality because if it didn't, then it wouldn't actually be love? Maybe I'm terribly wrong about this.

I agree with Titan...I also like the Mr. RightNow label. It seems all too appropriate. It kinda sucks realizing there always is that difference between Mr. Right and Mr. RightNow. I dunno, maybe though when that Mr. Right Now loses his last name (Now), it'll feel like everything was so well worth it. Man, it better. Or someone's getting a beating.

I also like the realization that maybe what we're running out of really is patience because we can't stand to be inconvenienced.
Anyways, Good luck!

~A fellow Hopeless Romantic

garsgolfer

on Jan 13, 2006

Wouldn't you think that love implies unconditionality because if it didn't, then it wouldn't actually be love?

My 2 cents.... "Love" is a range of realistic feelings. "Unconditional" is a chosen adjective that adds parameters turning love into idealistic love.

I was able to find 2 references, it's used in Greek Christian Bible studies in the underlying meaning of "Agape", the word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, thoughtful love pointing to parental love. The other in Buddist religion - Advesa and maitri are benevolent loves, referencing unconditional.

Texas Wahine

on Jan 14, 2006

I don't believe in a "soul mate" as in one person who is specifically the perfect fit for any other specific person.

There are many people who, if we work at our relationships, we can have a happy, life-long fulfilling commitment with. And there are many people who, if we choose to involve ourselves with them, will be a painful and destructive force in our lives.

I feel that my husband is an excellent fit for me. We have very similar values, a physical/sexual attraction to one another, have similar goals, and enjoy each other's company. However, I also believe that were my husband and I to divorce or if he were to die or whatever, if I so chose, I could find another mate whom I could experience similar emotions and share values and life experiences with. Not without compromise, of course, but that's always the case.

I do believe in "unconditional love" although I don't think that means "stay-married-no-matter-what-love". I love my husband. He has tested me, and I love him. I know that my love for him will endure, regardless of his or my actions. That does not mean that I will tolerate and remain in the relationship regardless of his actions, but my love for him will always remain.

I don't think marriage should be a search for unconditional love so much as a search for someone you enjoy sharing the experience of life with.

Best wishes.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!